Skip to main content

Fat--is it a sin?




















Whew. Am i eating too much? yup. maybe I am. I haven't felt this plumpy ever. These are my plumpiest years--and they all started when I gave up my ambition on becoming any engineer or architect or designer or whatever (due to my lack of luck during college and after) to become a "civil servant"--which actually goes along well with my soon-to-be-vanished idealism of utopia.

What is it actually--this civil servant thing? wikipedia.com said that it is a civilian public sector employee working for a government department or agency. (Thus, I am a government agent :p). And becoming "this creature" I began to enjoy stability, nice foods, and less tensions--except from the unlikely to have envious people.

A year after, I started to gain 10 kilos... and my old jeans can't hold me anymore (in fact I just knew recently when I bought a new pair of old jeans that my size has changed into 4-6 numbers above!!! woow...) and I gained more and more ever since. Every assignment trips I have made me tasted different kinds of food from every single place I encountered--around Indonesia, my beloved country. And yes, I obliged myself not to waste food, so no matter what I must do all I might to come clean on every meal I have. (And yes, I do hate people who left their food and waste it. Such a shame!) It's not that I'm greedy or anything, it's just I felt it's a sin and a bad thing to do to waste dishes, especially ones that have been placed on your plates. So, as a consequence of my so-called "philosophy"--and my lack of exercising or working out--I turned into a heap of fatty thing (especially on thigh and belly) which actually not my ideal kind of body to have. People started to called me ma'am suddenly (is it because i'm fat? or it's just because i'm old now?) and I get the sense of their ignorance on me (something that should've not been an issue,but I felt it anyway)--it's like now i'm invisible.

Yes, I know, people are cruel. They tend to judge you from the way you look. But the fact is, I don't really enjoy when someone's mocking me as "fat"--although I know I'm fat now. It shouldn't work that way. And I know, that it's a useless thing to do, to ask them to be what you want them to be... and it's also useless to hoping my shape to be like the way it used to be... But at least i can blabber these all on this useless blog that no one else but me will ever read. Such dilemma.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Ghibli?

That time of the year, again. Why can't life be more like Ghibli's aesthetics? It has been a while for me to be in my 30s, and soon I will be turning 40. What will one expect when one turns into a 40-year-old woman?  Why can't life be like Ghibli's slice of life feature films? Why can't we find ideal love like in those movies? 3 years ago today I still can't imagine that I finally found out that my (back then) spouse was a serial cheater, a swinger, and an avid liar. My whole life was crumbled, and my mind went crazy, like literally mad (will tell this someday when I'm ready). And briefly after that, I met a random guy, got married again in such a short time, and have a baby not long after. Back then, no one really cares about how I feel inside, my messed up mind is still there up until now. So, what to do? Seiji and Shizuku in Whisper of the Heart (1995) Source: Whisper of the Heart (https://www.cinemaescapist.com/2014/11/whisper-of-the-heart/ & https:/...
Post a Comment
Read more

#11: Siblings

 Day 11 of 30 days writing challenge. Siblings You either love 'em unconditionally or hate them occasionally . They share the same blood as you, they're your first friends. And it's not uncommon that you spent your days fighting and quarrelling with them at day and get along again at night. Your parents still mad at you but you already reconciliate with them. A brother and a sister As a middle child, I always stuck in between. My brother and my sister both have strong personalities. When they're fighting it's like a fierceful battle between Dragon Slaying Sabre VS Heavenly Sword --minus maybe they're both a bit antagonistic , none really chivalry. Brother My big bro is an amazing abstract learner. Why I said "abstract"? It's because he never did enjoy the typical learning practices in formal education. But when we're younger, different methods weren't there for children with superb or different qualities. Anyways, he's an avid lear...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ikhtiar

Ingin sekedar berbagi cerita tentang perjalanan hidup sampai mendapatkan yang dinanti-nanti.  Alhamdulillah dua tahun slowdown karena pandemi membawa berkah. Setahun setelah menikah, kami dianugerahi seorang putri yang sangat kami sayangi. Perjalanan  mendapatkannya bisa dibilang tidak mudah. Akumulasi semua pengalaman sebelumnya, banyak rintangan yang dihadapi. Namun syukurlah Allah memberikan amanah kepada kami sekeluarga.  Berkah Habatussaudah Ternyata hadits Rasulullah tentang keutamaan Habatussaudah atau jinten hitam sebagai obat segala penyakit* benar adanya. Jinten hitam ini adalah faktor pembeda utama, selain suami yang sangat sabar dan waktu di rumah yang lebih panjang karena work from home (wfh) . Setelah menikah dengan suami yang penyabar ini, saya disarankan oleh adik saya untuk berikhtiar dengan cara mengkonsumsi 7 (tujuh) butir Habatussaudah/jinten hitam yang sudah disangrai dan madu setiap hari. Cukup tujuh butir, tidak perlu banyak-banyak karena Habatuss...
Post a Comment
Read more