Ameru's blog

That time of the year, again. Why can't life be more like Ghibli's aesthetics? It has been a while for me to be in my 30s, and soon I will be turning 40. What will one expect when one turns into a 40-year-old woman?  Why can't life be like Ghibli's slice of life feature films? Why can't we find ideal love like in those movies? 3 years ago today I still can't imagine that I finally found out that my (back then) spouse was a serial cheater, a swinger, and an avid liar. My whole life was crumbled, and my mind went crazy, like literally mad (will tell this someday when I'm ready). And briefly after that, I met a random guy, got married again in such a short time, and have a baby not long after. Back then, no one really cares about how I feel inside, my messed up mind is still there up until now. So, what to do? Seiji and Shizuku in Whisper of the Heart (1995) Source: Whisper of the Heart (https://www.cinemaescapist.com/2014/11/whisper-of-the-heart/ & https:/...

Eversince I was a child, as far as I can remember, my parents (esp. my mother) always told me the sole importance of being a woman is to be someone's wife (!) and bear his child (!!). You know, it's indeed imprinted deeply in my mind, since I was three years old that my existence only verified by me being a perfect girl and mother. And what makes it worse, I always told that no matter what, we have to have a girl as a successor--well our tribe is matrilineal. I was raised to belief this. My life isn't exactly Shakespeare's, yet it's kinda full of tragedy and unexpected turns. See, these things aren't good for young minds since one cannot be free from the aim for being someone's wife (!!!) and I've dated guys with no intention on getting married anytime soon. So yeah, it was chaotic. I was too naïve to read the situation back then and have no guidance from my parents--they're strict and conservative, still are up 'till now. No way they will give...