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Fat--is it a sin?




















Whew. Am i eating too much? yup. maybe I am. I haven't felt this plumpy ever. These are my plumpiest years--and they all started when I gave up my ambition on becoming any engineer or architect or designer or whatever (due to my lack of luck during college and after) to become a "civil servant"--which actually goes along well with my soon-to-be-vanished idealism of utopia.

What is it actually--this civil servant thing? wikipedia.com said that it is a civilian public sector employee working for a government department or agency. (Thus, I am a government agent :p). And becoming "this creature" I began to enjoy stability, nice foods, and less tensions--except from the unlikely to have envious people.

A year after, I started to gain 10 kilos... and my old jeans can't hold me anymore (in fact I just knew recently when I bought a new pair of old jeans that my size has changed into 4-6 numbers above!!! woow...) and I gained more and more ever since. Every assignment trips I have made me tasted different kinds of food from every single place I encountered--around Indonesia, my beloved country. And yes, I obliged myself not to waste food, so no matter what I must do all I might to come clean on every meal I have. (And yes, I do hate people who left their food and waste it. Such a shame!) It's not that I'm greedy or anything, it's just I felt it's a sin and a bad thing to do to waste dishes, especially ones that have been placed on your plates. So, as a consequence of my so-called "philosophy"--and my lack of exercising or working out--I turned into a heap of fatty thing (especially on thigh and belly) which actually not my ideal kind of body to have. People started to called me ma'am suddenly (is it because i'm fat? or it's just because i'm old now?) and I get the sense of their ignorance on me (something that should've not been an issue,but I felt it anyway)--it's like now i'm invisible.

Yes, I know, people are cruel. They tend to judge you from the way you look. But the fact is, I don't really enjoy when someone's mocking me as "fat"--although I know I'm fat now. It shouldn't work that way. And I know, that it's a useless thing to do, to ask them to be what you want them to be... and it's also useless to hoping my shape to be like the way it used to be... But at least i can blabber these all on this useless blog that no one else but me will ever read. Such dilemma.

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