#9: Happiness

 Day 9 of 30 days writing challenge.

Happiness

I am everything but happy right now, I'm sorry. Not really in the mood to talk about happiness so today we'll be off topic.

Not happy now.

Just heard a heartbreaking news about work-related stuff, and the feel of rejection is similar with the one that I felt during my apprenticeship year, when I heard that my Studio Coordinator gave me an E so I have to do another year again (8 hours credits do it another year, he hated me gut and my window shape, so yeah I'm screwed). Always thought that drawing buildings isn't my thing, but I stuck there nonetheless. Come to think of it, my undergrad years were full of sh*t and sadness, there's always this lecturer that hated your design. And you felt like crap). I cried back then, on the rooftop of RRI building where my project management took place. I'm not always bright, I've been through hell. And it's not sweet.

Anyways, I'm not unfamiliar with this kind of feelings. But the feel of rejection still gets me every time. The worst feeling ever is when I knew I was cheated on (this is an old story, maybe you'll get tired hearing this), but I can still feel the heartache, same old thing, rejection. 

Useless

I know, it's no use to complain about your pain, there's noone to hear me out. I'm screaming inside my head. Just now I'm really stressed out I can't even cry. The sad thing is, you've been working for more than a decade, but a bunch of know-it-all people suddenly assessed you, and deemed you as unworthy.

So what's with us doing all our work, even until now?

So what's with us spending years studying?

So what's with us not having any dignity left?

So what's wrong with you? Look down on people that much, as if you lots got what it takes to even know about our work, let alone assess us as qualified or not. 

You lots don't even do your job, our whole system is a mess. I'm more than fed up, but I've gotta pay my bills.

I am so sad, this is actually my lowest point in my working life. I've spent most of it feeling out of place and all, but what I feel right now is downright shame. If only God can listen, He'll know what I feel. I've been keeping a low profile since day 1, and have been told as stupid repeatedly by people that actually have no brains whatsoever, and this guy don't even have the right qualifications, but he got like high score, I mean, wtf???  But this kind of situation I'm in is like, man, I.can't.breath.

Happiness

Just yesterday, I can tell happy stuff. But not today, I'm sorry.