Skip to main content

Social Equity Bullshit


They're talking 'bout social equity while actually they're excluding people. Can you see the dilemma? All these talks and nonsense just beat around bushes and lead to nowhere. How could you talk about equity while in real life you discriminate people for how they look? Or how they sound? Or from the fact that they're maybe not as talkative as you, especially in talking idealistic perfect rubbish while in fact all you want to get is just a merely economical benefits of your scholar's degree, not more than that. All these nonsense would washed away eventually like a sand castle that you've built with all your strength and then just like that washed over by the shore. Or like a poor snowman, one you made from scratch but just eventually melted by the sun, if not smashed by someone.

maybe I am that snowman, I just waited to be smashed...or melted. Deep inside I wished for winter forever, to kept frozen so that no one, or no sun could torn me apart. But eventually, I am just a nobody. Real nobody. I even can't talk my words out, and that felt like shit. Feel like rubbish, friggin bloody rubbish.

What do they expect me to do? What do I expect me to do? I feel so down... I need to pump myself up. I feel so useless right now. I don't even enjoy what I'm supposed to study here, it's not that fun anymore. Why do I keep on whining? Maybe it's just because I'm just way too pathetic to wake up.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Ghibli?

That time of the year, again. Why can't life be more like Ghibli's aesthetics? It has been a while for me to be in my 30s, and soon I will be turning 40. What will one expect when one turns into a 40-year-old woman?  Why can't life be like Ghibli's slice of life feature films? Why can't we find ideal love like in those movies? 3 years ago today I still can't imagine that I finally found out that my (back then) spouse was a serial cheater, a swinger, and an avid liar. My whole life was crumbled, and my mind went crazy, like literally mad (will tell this someday when I'm ready). And briefly after that, I met a random guy, got married again in such a short time, and have a baby not long after. Back then, no one really cares about how I feel inside, my messed up mind is still there up until now. So, what to do? Seiji and Shizuku in Whisper of the Heart (1995) Source: Whisper of the Heart (https://www.cinemaescapist.com/2014/11/whisper-of-the-heart/ & https:/...

#9: Happiness

  Day 9 of 30 days writing challenge. Happiness I am everything but happy right now, I'm sorry. Not really in the mood to talk about happiness so today we'll be off topic. Not happy now. Just heard a heartbreaking news about work-related stuff, and the feel of rejection is similar with the one that I felt during my apprenticeship year, when I heard that my Studio Coordinator gave me an E so I have to do another year again (8 hours credits do it another year, he hated me gut and my window shape , so yeah I'm screwed). Always thought that drawing buildings isn't my thing, but I stuck there nonetheless. Come to think of it, my undergrad years were full of sh*t and sadness, there's always this lecturer that hated your design. And you felt like crap). I cried back then, on the rooftop of RRI building where my project management took place. I'm not always bright, I've been through hell. And it's not sweet. Anyways, I'm not unfamiliar with this kind of f...

#4: Places on My List

Day 4 of  30 days writing challenge. Places on My List Been obsessed with these places, and wished the pandemic soon to be over so that we can go there and enjoy life and love to the fullest. Cambodia I don't know why, been dreaming on going to Siem Reap  for about two years now. The thoughts of going there seemed exquisitely charming and the old temples--although some said similar to what we have in Jogja --look mysterious.  Ancient stone faces of Bayon temple, Angkor, Cambodia.  Photo: iStock (https://www.traveller.com.au/siem-reap-cambodia-things-to-do-expert-tips-from-an-expat-h1ju19) Maybe i'm a bit influenced by Tomb Raider and Indiana Jones , always love those kinds of movies (and games). I remember when I was a child, there's this TV show about treasure-hunt and stuff (I forgot the title, sorry) where the main character flew a seaplane in a tropical island looking for treasures, some in ancient ruins. I also preoccupied by One Piece , a superb manga created ...