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Galau #1



 Hari ini hari pertama di umur 28. Wow. 28! Ga kebayang, umur segini, single, kuliah di luar, pusing (kayanya kena flu), ngerasa bersalah karena ga pernah baca buku literatur dengan baik dan benar, dan stress karena besok nilai semester 1 keluar! Ya Tuhan...jangan-jangan sakit kepala dan demam pertama saya di negeri ini karena stress ya???

Hari ini ditegor sama orang Arab temen sekelas gara-gara berisik pas kuliah... (Abis kuliahnya garing...dan sangat-sangat western minded. Para orang-orang Inggris yang nanya juga ngomongnya kumur-kumur, ga ngerti mereka nanya apa, dan ga ngerti dosennya jawab apa!!!) Apa spanning di kepala ini lagi parah-parahnya ya?
FYI, arab-arab disini gayanya selangit, sotoy ga ketulungan, underestimate-in orang abis-abisan... bikin ilfil banget dah. Ga ada hubungannya tuh seagama apa ga, toh kalo ditanyain mereka jawabnya, "Well, I am a Moslem, but I'm not religious..." yang kira-kira artinya: "Saya Muslim kok, cuman saya minum, makan babi (mungkin), maen cewe (mungkin), party-party (mungkin), dan ga perlu sholat juga." Wow wow wow!

Dan ngomong-ngomong soal ultah, tahun ini saya sengaja matiin reminder ultah di fesbuk, cuman buat ngetes masih ada ga orang yang inget ultah saya... Ternyata lumayan, sekitar 30-an masih nyelamatin. (Padahal pas siangnya rasanya udah pengen lompat dari atas fly over --tapi ternyata malemnya malah dapet surprise party yang menyenangkan).

Tapi hari ini, berasa berkali-kali ditolak orang. Apa mungkin saya cuman sensi gara-gara bentar lagi mau 'dapet'?
Ada satu orang inggris yang tadinya baek trus malah jadi dingin gitu sekarang... (padahal ditawarin kue ultah tapi ditolak mentah-mentah...); ke city center bareng temen (maksudnya nemenin dia), eh pas ada barang saya yang kurang trus pengen beli di Morrison dia bilang "Yeah, u can go by yourself there. I'll definitely go home." Hahaha. Trus abis itu kan jalan kaki sendirian balik ke kosan, ketemu dua cewe tinggi temen sekelas (dua-duanya bukan orang inggris, satunya cantik banget orang eropa timur yang satunya biasa aja, ga cantik, orang India) eh pas disapa ga ada ekspresinya...mati gaya donk. Mana lagi bete, makin bete aja. Padahal mereka baek sama temen yang lain... kenapa eh kenapa?

Hari pertama di umur 28...
ngerasa depresi...
ada dua coursework (tugas) buat bulan ini, dan 1 buat bulan depan...
ada disertasi yang belum tercolek sama sekali,
ada pikiran, "....udah tuaaa..tuaaaa...kawiinnn...kawiiinnnn..."
ada pikiran lain, "....kenapa kawinnnn? saya ga suka bayi ...."
ada pikiran lainnya (lebih negatif), "sebenernya hubungan yang sekarang arahnya kemana?"

....

Umur 28,
berat rasanya jadi cewe,
atau haruskah officially dipanggil "ibu" sekarang? karena sepertinya pelan-pelan semua temen seangkatan dan bahkan adik-adik kelas jadi ibu-ibu...
tapi saya belum kawin, kenapa dipanggil "ibu?"

....
Pusing,
kesepian,

....
pikiran yang tadi keulang lagi,

pikiran, "....udah tuaaa..tuaaaa...kawiinnn...kawiiinnnn..."
pikiran lain, "....kenapa kawinnnn? saya ga suka bayi ...."
pikiran lainnya (lebih negatif), "sebenernya hubungan yang sekarang arahnya kemana?"

....

Sesek, pengen tereak.
Tau ga sih, semua orang (baca: semua "ibu-ibu" umur 28++) udah "kawin". Liat aja fesbuk, profpic-nya tiba-tiba bayi semua!!! *Ato poto kawinan.

Ahahaha


Tau, tapi...

pikiran yang tadi keulang lagi,

pikiran, "....udah tuaaa..tuaaaa...kawiinnn...kawiiinnnn..."
pikiran lain, "....kenapa kawinnnn? saya ga suka bayi ...."
pikiran lainnya (lebih negatif), "sebenernya hubungan yang sekarang arahnya kemana?"

...

ditambah,
"nilaiiiii...nilaiiiii..."

kenapa dulu berpikiran gila untuk ke sini ya?

...

Ohya,

Saya suka Beatles

Ya Tuhan...

Sebenernya pikiran yang utama tetep aja yang dari tadi keulang-ulang di kepala,

pikiran, "....udah tuaaa..tuaaaa...kawiinnn...kawiiinnnn..."
pikiran lain, "....kenapa kawinnnn? saya ga suka bayi ...."
pikiran lainnya (lebih negatif), "sebenernya hubungan yang sekarang arahnya kemana?"

...

ditambah,
"nilaiiiii...nilaiiiii..."

Ya Tuhan...
smoga bisa saya melalui ini...

...

"....udah tuaaa..tuaaaa...kawiinnn...kawiiinnnn..."
"....kenapa kawinnnn? saya ga suka bayi ...."
"sebenernya hubungan yang sekarang arahnya kemana?"

...


"nilaiiiii...nilaiiiii..."
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