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my personal public diary #1


Just came across my mind that I have no real friends, ones that I talked everything with. Sure, I have my lover, but even he cannot always be there for me. As for me, I tend to need someone to share, to tell things. But none can give that except my lover. (Only he know my secrets). But then again, still I feel lost and have no one to hold on to.

I envy people that have true friends. Mine, always busied with their own personal issues, never really payed attention on my matters any how. As far as I can remember, I never really have a friend (by this I mean real platonic companions, not lovers) who I can talk everything with. I always have something hidden inside me, while as my friend there he/she can talk whatever he/she likes with me.

Is this mean that I am actually an introverted person? Honestly, I locked up all my stories to myself from anyone near me because I simply don't trust them. I don't like to be pitied, especially by shallow minded people. They don't know what I've been through and they've no idea what's it like to be me. And sure people have their own stories--which obviously I can't underestimated too, but I think until now I never really have had a true friend.

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