#19: First Love

 Day 19 of 30 days writing challenge

First Love

"You're always gonna be the one, 

今はまだ悲しいlove song. 

新しい歌,うたえるまで。"

Utada Hikaru ~First Love

It was summer of 2002, on my last year of highschool. Hikki's song was the colour of my youth as at those years I've experienced my first love story. It wasn't ended up well since we're not mature enough. I wasn't mature enough, as well was he. 

He was a senior, a year ahead. Went to a prestigious college and was really bright. I always into nerds, brainy indeed (is still) sexy. But at first I wasn't that into him but gradually my feelings grew.

First year went okay for us. But the year after, when I went to a different city for further study, it's getting tiring have to go back and forth just to meet him. I was with him for four years straight, but my parents already (as always) nagging me to get married, every single day. This is an example of what exactly is toxic parenting in a nutshell. Exhibit A. I was in constant fear that I might ended up not married by him, as it was always me getting to his city because he was busy and his school was super important. I was a fool.  After four years of faithful/useless years, eventually I finally looking for love in another guy (yes, it was not nice, but actually I was looking for someone that's willing to marry me. I was desperate, and well, actually depressed.). 

Fact check (things I should've known better back then):

1. you can't really force people into marriage, no matter how your parents forced you to; 

2. Don't start a new relationship before you make a clear cut with the previous one. Cheating your way out is not a good idea for breaking up, no matter how your previous partner said that he can't really live without you or how your new one said that you're the only one, well, guess that's bullshit;

3. Don't date because you want them to marry you. It doesn't always work that way;

4. My undergrad years were a mess.

Anyways, I broke up with him. And didn't end up with the next guy either 🤣🙂🤣. Well, you can say karma is a bitch but, actually not. My first love got married just one month after he broke up with me, with someone who was obviously his classmate (or he's obviously two-timing me as well. Lol) I mean. Wth. Wtf. He dated me for four years without a single promise of getting married, and yet right after broke up he married someone else. No, I'm not saying he's a bad guy, we just weren't meant to be. I wasn't that nice either, well I was tired of the status quo. Dating isn't like marriage anyways. It's open relationship WITHOUT clear attachment. And actually I was happy for him, he found what he was looking for: a person with same status as him (he always looked down at my school, always said that his school was way more prestigious than mine so I have to be more supportive to him by always be the one who came to see him...and it wasn't nice. My school assignment was plenty, and I can't keep it up because I have to see him all the time. Do'oh).

Anyway, he's now happily married with two kids. I'm happy for him. As for me, I stick to my pledge, after each marriage I always faithful. As I said before, dating doesn't count, especially if you dated someone who's actually not into you. And you can always feel it.