Skip to main content

Galau #2


                                               

Setiap hari pasti selalu ada aja yang nyangkut di kepala, segala pikiran negatif yang bercokol dan gak mau lepas. Apalagi dua hari ini, sejak nilai semester kemarin diumumin, rasanya kok ya makin ga semangat...? (tapi semangat jalan-jalan tetep...T_T). Mau nangis rasanya kalo liat text book yang bertumpuk plus donlotan jurnal yang ga dibaca-baca (cuman ngedonlot doank, bacanya tau dah kapan...). Hah....kayanya masa-masa jadi nerd yang suka dan cinta untuk belajar udah jauh lewat deh, malah mungkin berhentinya prematur pas awal kelas dua SMA. Abis itu blasss ga doyan blajar...dan ga ngerasa guna juga belajar. *(Mungkin ini bukan contoh yang baik ya... hohoho...seharusnya saya bisa lebih semangat, tapi entah kenapa sekarang rasanya makin ga pengen ngeliat si text book-text book itu..pengen muntah bawaannya...!)

OOT dikit (tapi tetep di dalam tema besar yang sama sih: galau), kemaren sempet mellow gara-gara inget jaman-jaman wisuda S1--yang berasa udah lama banget. Antara mo nangis ama ketawa, karena jelas-jelas ga lama abis wisuda (dan mungkin cuman kaya berapa minggu gitu dari ultah) saya diputusin dengan sangat tragis dan telak. Kalo inget jadi dendam...tapi yah, makasih juga sih...karena mungkin kalo dulu tetap sama dia mungkin saya udah jadi emak-emak sekarang, dan belum tentu bakal pernah nginjekin kaki di sini, apalagi ke Liverpool--kampung halaman Beatles tercinta! Jadi, anything goes for a reason... semua terjadi karena ada alasannya. Jadi inget kata-kata seorang anak laki-laki kecil bernama Hugo di sebuah film yang saya tonton tadi sore, yang kira-kira bunyinya:

"The whole world acts as a machine, and every machine works with precise numbers of parts--there're no leftovers. Thus, there must be a reason why I exist."


Kata-kata itu bisa diartiin bahwa si Hugo menganalogikan alias mengandaikan dunia ini sebagai sebuah mesin yang bekerja dan setiap orang merupakan komponen (yang pasti berfungsi) bagi keberlangsungan mesin tersebut. Filosofi yang fantastis untuk sebuah film anak-anak! Mungkin kata-kata ini bisa jadi mood-booster alias pengangkat mood buat akhir minggu ini, setelah kenyataan bahwa pengumuman nilai...(yang alhamdulilah pas-pasan buat "pass"--yang penting ga ngulang..yeyy!)... mendengar keluh-kesah dari orang-orang yang nilainya jauh lebih mending dari kamu, dan baca postingan senang dari orang-orang yang nilainya bagus di fesbuk dan abis itu pada party-party to the max! (makes me wanna misuh-misuh to the max! untung ada media katarsis blog tercinta ini... klo ga ga ngerti deh mo numpahin kemana... pacar jauh, kucing tak ada...:'(....) Beneran, fesbuk itu banyakan mudharatnya daripada manfaatnya -_-; tapi namanya dah kecanduan, dan mungkin emang saya masochist kali ya, bahagia dibombardir bragging orang-orang: bayi, kawinan, nilai, de-es-be...dan saya membalasnya hanya dengan satu cara: foto jalan-jalan...yang diedit dengan indah :). Tuhan memang Maha Adil.

Semoga bisa berfikiran positif, karena sejak nilai diumumin, dua hari ini susah tidur dan mimpi buruk selalu. Dan susah tidur bukannya dipake buat belajar, ga. Tapi dipake buat bengong+fesbuk (nyetalkerin foto orang-orang bule itu pada party-party), dan meratap... self-destructing banget dah.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Ghibli?

That time of the year, again. Why can't life be more like Ghibli's aesthetics? It has been a while for me to be in my 30s, and soon I will be turning 40. What will one expect when one turns into a 40-year-old woman?  Why can't life be like Ghibli's slice of life feature films? Why can't we find ideal love like in those movies? 3 years ago today I still can't imagine that I finally found out that my (back then) spouse was a serial cheater, a swinger, and an avid liar. My whole life was crumbled, and my mind went crazy, like literally mad (will tell this someday when I'm ready). And briefly after that, I met a random guy, got married again in such a short time, and have a baby not long after. Back then, no one really cares about how I feel inside, my messed up mind is still there up until now. So, what to do? Seiji and Shizuku in Whisper of the Heart (1995) Source: Whisper of the Heart (https://www.cinemaescapist.com/2014/11/whisper-of-the-heart/ & https:/...

#9: Happiness

  Day 9 of 30 days writing challenge. Happiness I am everything but happy right now, I'm sorry. Not really in the mood to talk about happiness so today we'll be off topic. Not happy now. Just heard a heartbreaking news about work-related stuff, and the feel of rejection is similar with the one that I felt during my apprenticeship year, when I heard that my Studio Coordinator gave me an E so I have to do another year again (8 hours credits do it another year, he hated me gut and my window shape , so yeah I'm screwed). Always thought that drawing buildings isn't my thing, but I stuck there nonetheless. Come to think of it, my undergrad years were full of sh*t and sadness, there's always this lecturer that hated your design. And you felt like crap). I cried back then, on the rooftop of RRI building where my project management took place. I'm not always bright, I've been through hell. And it's not sweet. Anyways, I'm not unfamiliar with this kind of f...

#4: Places on My List

Day 4 of  30 days writing challenge. Places on My List Been obsessed with these places, and wished the pandemic soon to be over so that we can go there and enjoy life and love to the fullest. Cambodia I don't know why, been dreaming on going to Siem Reap  for about two years now. The thoughts of going there seemed exquisitely charming and the old temples--although some said similar to what we have in Jogja --look mysterious.  Ancient stone faces of Bayon temple, Angkor, Cambodia.  Photo: iStock (https://www.traveller.com.au/siem-reap-cambodia-things-to-do-expert-tips-from-an-expat-h1ju19) Maybe i'm a bit influenced by Tomb Raider and Indiana Jones , always love those kinds of movies (and games). I remember when I was a child, there's this TV show about treasure-hunt and stuff (I forgot the title, sorry) where the main character flew a seaplane in a tropical island looking for treasures, some in ancient ruins. I also preoccupied by One Piece , a superb manga created ...