Ameru's blog

  Day 16 of 30 days writing challenge Infatuation Ten minutes to midnight and I almost forgot today's writing challenge. Supposed to be about someone I miss, but I don't really know how to deal with distant short-lived feelings.  Wind Once obsessed I was, Like a wind arose  Out of the blue, Hell, should I drown in my thoughts? Of something I nearly forgot? It was only a brief, belittle by wrongly  Lay a trust While nonetheless  There's nothing but a gust Of wind drifted by Of my tears, Of my fears, Of what wishful thinking, it was Live and let live, And let the wind blows your sadness away, 'Coz anything is everything, while everything is nothing. We are, nothing.

Day 15 of 30 days writing challenge Escapade If I want to run away, I will go somewhere far where I don't have to think about tomorrow. Anywhere but here.  Punthuk Setumbu sunrise, Magelang A contemplation  When I was in a mess at the past, I traveled somewhere alone  just to find peace . At that time, there were two places that I went to: Hokkaido and Jogja, on different time and occasion. Why Hokkaido? In a winter, about 3-4 years ago, I went there alone. Always been on my bucketlist , Hokkaido seemed like a winter wonderland  to me at that time. Took a cheap flight, transit in Kuala Lumpur continued to Sapporo. But too much snow for more than three days, especially alone, seemed a bit off. My ex let me went there alone. Always been a naïve person, never did I suspect that he's actually an avid womanizer (but that's for another story).   Anyway, Hokkaido's not as lovely as I thought it would be. Too cold, the people too, way too cold. And the winter s...

  Day 14 of 30 days writing challenge ( I'm writing this due to me procrastinating uncomfortable things to do today .) My Style I'm not a stylish person, so I can't really describe what kind of fashion pattern do I follow , because honestly I'm not really following any. I don't use elaborate make up, maybe just using basic day cream + marck's powder  and lipbalm everyday. I have a bland look and don't follow any fashion style. This is my Facebook avatar I wore hijab as a part of the faith I believe in, but not really as strict as using abayas or long oversized skirts as a daily outfit, or even burqa ( not really into dresses or feminine hijrah outfit that's too much a fuss and limited your movements )   . I'm comfortable in using regular trousers and basic jeans, and regular clothes such as long-sleeved t-shirts and occasionally cotton shirts or checkerd flannels. I love to wear jackets or hoodies as well. I'd prefer sneakers anytime than high he...

  Day 13 of 30 days writing challenge Love for Books Well, this is a bit a tricky part. Basically I really like to read. But eversince I got addicted to gadget (esp. smartphone and tablet), my frequent reading habit drastically reduced. Nonetheless, I still read occasionally. But to decide which is my favourite book will be hard, because I love so many kinds of books. Mostly I love fantasy fiction, but I also read non-fiction as well. But I guess I'd try to pick one of my ol' time fave: Harry Potter. Why Harry Potter? Well, first of all, it's like the first super thick fantasy book that I read like super fast and non-stop. The story is so intriguing  you hooked into every page--again and again and you can't really stop. The book itself is indeed magical  because so many people were extremely fond of the series.  Harry Potter series contained of 7 books, written by J.K. Rowling , a female UK writer, during her desperate days.  There are also spinoffs of the serie...

  Day 12 of 30 days writing challenge Love for TV I love watching TV eversince I don't know when. But nowadays' local TV programmes are just full of tension (crimes, pandemic, wars, etc.) or crappy Indonesian drama (we call it sinetron ) or talkshows. Used to have cables but it's getting too pricey so I stopped using it.  Talking about fave TV series , as today's topic,  there're plenty that I surely fond of. It will be a super broad topic to talk about. I like so many different genres, so maybe I'll specify the time frame into what I like now . Wuxia Actually I'm always into this genre. Wuxia (武俠) literally means " martial heroes ". Well, lately I've been watching remakes of Jin Yong's novels adaptations. My favourite series are the Condor Trilogy, specifically the third part. However, the second part was the most popular wuxia in our country, named "Return of the Condor Heroes". Maybe you've heard of it if your age is simi...

 Day 11 of 30 days writing challenge. Siblings You either love 'em unconditionally or hate them occasionally . They share the same blood as you, they're your first friends. And it's not uncommon that you spent your days fighting and quarrelling with them at day and get along again at night. Your parents still mad at you but you already reconciliate with them. A brother and a sister As a middle child, I always stuck in between. My brother and my sister both have strong personalities. When they're fighting it's like a fierceful battle between Dragon Slaying Sabre VS Heavenly Sword --minus maybe they're both a bit antagonistic , none really chivalry. Brother My big bro is an amazing abstract learner. Why I said "abstract"? It's because he never did enjoy the typical learning practices in formal education. But when we're younger, different methods weren't there for children with superb or different qualities. Anyways, he's an avid lear...

  Day 10 of 30 days writing challenge. Bestfriend Friends come and go, but best of friends stay with you 'till the end .  Rarely did I get myself a longlasting friendship.  Was it really me and my trust issues? Or was it because people keep on changing? I felt as if I'm still the same old me--though i'm way past my times of looking for friends , yet it's still a delightful thing (to have a real friend). But what is a real friend  do? Should he/she always stays by our side and always listens to whatever trash or antics we're saying? I know, I'm not a perfect friend. I sometimes detach from people, because I have so many different issues with different people (hey, aren't we all do? lol). Thus, it will be tough for you to befriend with an aloof person like me if  you are a clingy person. I'm not really a caring type, so I won't be begging around for friendship, not that I reject it too tho'. Once I put my trust--or friendship in that matter--it al...

  Day 9 of 30 days writing challenge. Happiness I am everything but happy right now, I'm sorry. Not really in the mood to talk about happiness so today we'll be off topic. Not happy now. Just heard a heartbreaking news about work-related stuff, and the feel of rejection is similar with the one that I felt during my apprenticeship year, when I heard that my Studio Coordinator gave me an E so I have to do another year again (8 hours credits do it another year, he hated me gut and my window shape , so yeah I'm screwed). Always thought that drawing buildings isn't my thing, but I stuck there nonetheless. Come to think of it, my undergrad years were full of sh*t and sadness, there's always this lecturer that hated your design. And you felt like crap). I cried back then, on the rooftop of RRI building where my project management took place. I'm not always bright, I've been through hell. And it's not sweet. Anyways, I'm not unfamiliar with this kind of f...

  Day 8 of 30 days writing challenge. Music  The power of music is true indeed. I've told a bit on day 2 of this challenge how music actually saved me. But what is exactly music do ? A peace of mind Listening to music can stimulates your brain. It highly depends on what kind of music you listen to. Sometimes you need to calm down, so you'll listen to smooth, silky music. At other times when you're feeling you need a mood booster, you'll go for an energetic music. Whatever it is, it's always there to complete you. At times, you'll listen to music when you're in your doubts, some other times you'll listen to it when you're remembering, either places or people or both. It is a tool, a powerful tool to bring peace, energy, or sorrow.  What about playing instrument? Off course it's also therapeutical. I read that when you're playing your music, you trained your brain equally. And I've proven it, music indeed kept my sanity. And I'm foreve...

Day 7 of 30 days writing challenge. Fave Movie My favourite movie is 1953's Roman Holiday . It's a romantic comedy starring the loveable Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck .  It's a classic black and white movie, depicting my fave actress in one of her early movies. What so loveable about this movie is it's such a sweet, innocent love story and although it's not a happy ending (considerably), yet it's still a classic.  Storyline  Princess Anne (Audrey Hepburn) was heavily depressed due to her strict duty and schedule as a royalty that represents her country. During her stay in Rome, as she accidentally snuck out from the palace, she met an incognito American journalist, Joe Bradley (Gregory Peck). Once trying to sell her story to his editor, Joe started to fell in love with the Princess, who's pretending she's someone else.  The whole movie took place in Rome , and you can felt as if you were there sightseeing with them. I haven't been to Rome, and see...

Day 6 of  30 days writing challenge. Single × Happy It is quite impossible to be single and happy in this country. The problem not rooted from the person his/herself, but the surroundings, esp. the nosy people will kept on hooking you up with random dudes. Lol. But since this is today's topic, let's elaborate. Self love You don't need other people to be happy sounds a bit cliché, but it's true. After 5 years of loveless marriage, full of deceit and lies, to finally be free again felt so wonderful . But it's not easy, being a divorcee-- regardless it's your fault or not--especially when you're a female, considered as a flaw and brought shame to one's family. Random dudes (including old goats with wives) tried to flirt with you. Absolutely disgusting. Your parents kept on nagging you that they want grandkids (quite impossible when you're single, unless I can clone myself or split my cells into two to create another me or mini me). Alas, only got about...

  Day 5 of  30 days writing challenge. Parents Quite a sensitive topic I presumed. Okay, let's start. Why is it so important? In east culture , having children is what defines you. Society dictates people to have children despite they're feasible or not. Lately, there have been more talks on socmed such as twitter  about toxic parenting , and it splits people into two major groups: (1) anak durhaka (unfilial child), and (2) anak emas (golden child). These groups apparently have their own sets of standards, which makes it impossible to blend  them together. How is it so different?  The first group consists of people with ranging experience on toxic parenting; could be from severe, harshly abusive parents, to gaslighting or minor symptoms of neglect or parental egomania. People in this group are seemed to be having repressed childhood, having major trauma issues that impacted their lives. The second group consists of people that luckily have non-destructive, lovi...

Day 4 of  30 days writing challenge. Places on My List Been obsessed with these places, and wished the pandemic soon to be over so that we can go there and enjoy life and love to the fullest. Cambodia I don't know why, been dreaming on going to Siem Reap  for about two years now. The thoughts of going there seemed exquisitely charming and the old temples--although some said similar to what we have in Jogja --look mysterious.  Ancient stone faces of Bayon temple, Angkor, Cambodia.  Photo: iStock (https://www.traveller.com.au/siem-reap-cambodia-things-to-do-expert-tips-from-an-expat-h1ju19) Maybe i'm a bit influenced by Tomb Raider and Indiana Jones , always love those kinds of movies (and games). I remember when I was a child, there's this TV show about treasure-hunt and stuff (I forgot the title, sorry) where the main character flew a seaplane in a tropical island looking for treasures, some in ancient ruins. I also preoccupied by One Piece , a superb manga created ...

Day 3 of  30 days writing challenge. A Memory A memory of loosing memory , might be a more suitable title for today's topic. But I'll stick with using just ' A Memory '. ___ What is a memory? Is it something we experienced? We felt? We cherished? If one can recall just a memory, what exactly worthy to be remembered ? Have so many memories, it's quite overwhelming just to pick a specific one. Should it be a happy one? A gruesome one? A heart-warming one? A sad and painful one?  Yesterday I did say maybe will tell stories about sightseeing, but come to think of it, it seemed a bit mundane and dull . And it might also have a lot of joy in it, so can be told later on, on the right theme day. Well...talking about memory. Maybe I'll try to share another perspective about having (and not having) memories (and thoughts)-- a memory of recalling memories . Taken for granted, having memories or even a memory is a bliss. Recalling my times of despair, could be considered ...

Day 2 of  30 days writing challenge. Happy things I will separate this part into several sections, as this will be quite a long blog. I found these things as things that indeed make me happy. --- Part 1 : Cat Ever since I was a child, always knew one thing that will keep me happy: cats. I literally did everything with cats: sleep, eat, talk (!) and of course I always cleaned after them. My childhood dream was to become a Veterinarian. But you can't always get what you want (I'll stop this sentimental reminiscent, as this post is about things that make me happy, not sad. Lol). Currently living with my spouse and my cat, Miko. There's just three of us right now, and actually I'm happy, way happier than, let say, three years ago. Miko was with me too at that time, those worst years of my life, and she was indeed my pure source of happiness. The thing about cat is, you either like them to bits/adore them or you despise/scared/not interested in them at all . Some people bl...

 Day 1 of  30 days writing challenge. Personality. Talking 'bout personality, I'm not really good in expressing my self in a place with high competition or where people are eager to show that they're 'it'. The more people show off, the more will I withdraw from it. Anyway, I have a conflicted personality , at times I want to explore things and be expressive, but mostly i'm quite reserved--not really fond of bragging things or achievement. Maybe it's always been my nature since I was born as a middle child, with two dominant siblings; my big bro and my li'l sis both are headstrong and I've been functioning as a catharsis since day 1 (maybe this is for day 11).  Diagnosed before with severe depression, schizo, and bipolar symptoms , I just glad I can keep my sanity intact, and no relapse hopefully ever again (this will be another full story on its own~ lol. Maybe someday i'll write this down). I'm not ashamed for experiencing what's in the ...